Breaking stereotypes and deconditioning behaviour
Breaking stereotypes and deconditioning behaviour
To truly participate in this dance of love, a man must transform his habitual behaviour. After reconnecting with his yang energy – his essential foundation – he must open himself to the feminine aspect while remaining anchored in his masculine essence.
What does this mean in practical terms?
For centuries, the belief has been cultivated that a “real man” is someone who effortlessly seduces women and moves from conquest to conquest. This model perpetuates a predator–prey dynamic, in which the woman is reduced to a trophy. The man focuses solely on playing the role of a “good lover”, hiding behind a tough façade, avoiding the vulnerability of truly being seen.
However, to be a man – a true peaceful warrior – is not to play the part of the tough guy, but rather to acknowledge his weaknesses, accept his fears, reclaim his inner strength without projecting it onto others, endure frustration, and engage fully with life. Persevering with oneself is a truly heroic act.
The famous motto inscribed on the Temple of Delphi – “Know thyself and thou shalt know the universe and the gods” – lies at the heart of all deep transformation. This journey begins with turning inward, facing the personal shadow – that dark, hidden part of ourselves we usually avoid.
Look at your own shadows
The shadow represents everything that does not match the idealised image we have of ourselves: weaknesses, fears, impulses, traits we consider undesirable or shameful. These repressed aspects dwell in the unconscious, silently shaping how we relate to the world.
There is nothing frightening about facing them. On the contrary, ignoring them allows them to control us unconsciously, leading us to project them onto others – as if they were the cause of our problems.
Modern society, still deeply influenced by patriarchal values, pushes us towards a relentless pursuit of perfection: to have a prestigious job, to be young, beautiful, healthy, cultured, strong, sensitive, and sexually flawless. Since most of us can’t meet all these expectations, we develop complexes – which we hide, believing them to be weaknesses, when in fact they are part of being human.
It is not the shadows themselves that rob us of fulfilment – it is the energy we spend trying to conceal them. That’s where personal stagnation and suffering are born.
These complexes distort our perception of reality. So focused are we on our own pain that we fail to see others’. For instance, someone who feels too short or overweight may assume that tall, slim people are carefree – a perception that often lacks truth.
Complexes manifest in many ways:
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Physical: too tall, too short, unattractive, large nose, etc.
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Psychological: feeling overly emotional or harbouring unspoken desires.
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Social: feeling undervalued in one’s job or like an outsider in a group.
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Cultural: believing we are not cultured enough and idolising intellectuals.
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Sexual: thinking one’s penis is too small, or dealing with erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation.
All of these aspects form part of our shadow.
Facing them is simple, but not easy. The only real solution is: ACCEPT THEM.
This means living as if those shadows were visible to everyone, and transforming how we see them. It means bringing to light what we’ve long thought of as a weakness – and often discovering a hidden strength.
Certain psychotherapies, workshops and authentic tantric massage sessions – such as those offered at our centre, Lila, in Porto – can support this process. These practices help to illuminate the shadow, soothe physical and emotional tensions, and promote a more harmonious evolution on life’s journey.
Fear of Women
The fear that many men feel towards women often expresses itself through subtle anxieties: fear of not being tall enough, of sexual failure, of not being able to satisfy, of being dominated or becoming dependent.
It is crucial to recognise that a man’s first experience of love was with his mother – the being he was once physically united with and wholly dependent on. A healthy development requires a later psychological and emotional separation from this matrix.
The archetype of the mother remains deeply imprinted in the male psyche, unconsciously shaping how men relate to women. Romantic and erotic relationships often become laden with projections and fantasies rooted in this primordial figure.
Neuroscience confirms that the same neural circuits and neurotransmitters involved in the parent–child bond are also active in romantic relationships. That is, desire and attachment often automatically reawaken emotional patterns from early childhood.
It is therefore essential that a man becomes conscious of his relationship with the mother figure – biologically, socially, emotionally – and how it manifests in his adult connections. Often, the woman he relates to is seen through the lens of the mother: idealised, feared, desired, or rejected.
When a man is trapped in this archetype, two extreme behaviours may arise: either he idealises the woman as a goddess and loses his individuality, or he becomes submissive and infantilised. In both cases, the real relationship is compromised.
The middle path is the most challenging, but the most authentic: the man discovers himself through the relationship, seeing the woman as she truly is – a human being with her own fears, desires, and limits.
This vision is only possible if the man is willing to confront his own complexes and unconscious mechanisms. It is not women who “castrate” men – it is the men themselves, through their projections. The woman is not the cause – she is the mirror.
Fortunately, within every man lives a positive archetype: the inner hero, the knight, the one who confronts his fears, slays his internal dragons, and steps courageously into a new way of relating – freer, more conscious, more loving.
In future articles, we will explore in detail this psychological portrait of the hero and the path out of the limiting matrix.